Maybe It's The Moonlight
by Madgirl Insane
Summary: Well, it started out as angst, but then it turned it turned itno romance. D/G, actually. It's pretty okay, I think. R&R, please. I like percentage signs. Like this one. % Or this one. % Yay! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Funfunfun!


A/N Another Draco angst. Yay. Don't ask me what's gonna happen, I have no clue.

I remember what it was like before I was born.

That may sound impossible but I do. It was cold. Freezing, freezing cold. I have been cold ever since. Inside and out.

I could feel things from outside. I could feel the spite. The evil. And the hate. Mostly the hate. Mostly by my father.

He said he loved me but he hated me. Perhaps he thought it was love. I wouldn't be surprised since he has absolutely no idea what it is, since no one has ever loved him. Maybe he thought was love. Because to him, love is hate. To Lucius Malfoy, everything is hate.

I remember once, when I was seven or eight, he took me to a Muggle roller rink. To show me what idiots Muggles are. I had never seen Muggles up close before, and I thought this proved that what my father says was right. All the loud music--horrible music!--all the fried food, all those fluorescent lights. Simply pointless. We skated, because it would have looked odd if we just stood there. I liked a fluorescent light however; I skated toward it. It was a circle that looked to be made of flowers. I loved to just skate inside that circle as it moved around. I felt so powerful. More powerful than anyone, especially my father even if he was going to be second in line when the Dark Lord came back. But the circle always, always, always got smaller and smaller and closed up eventually. No matter what I tried to do to stop it. Finally I just gave up, but I had one thought. About how being in there makes you feel great and wonderful but got smaller and smaller and closes up.

I thought it was like love. 

And from then on I was unable to love. I had never loved anything before, but from then on I knew I would not be able to. 

Love. Stupid thing, really. In books, they speak of love as kind, or gentle. Or they speak of it as speeding feelings, things that make men jump off cliffs or maidens face dragons to save their love. 

I think of it as hell.

My parents were never in love. They just married for the money. Smart. Probably the only sensible thing either has ever done, really.

"To love is to die," my father once said. "And to die? That is my only love."

This was a favorite saying of his.

He spoke it to me minutes before I left the house that day. That day we came back, my mother and I, and he was sprawled lifeless on the floor.

A still-smoking wand lay next to him.

His own.

**************************************************************************************************************

As though I care. That was long ago, very long ago. I need not think about it. Well, not too long, when I think. Two years. Two long, long, long years. 

Graduation. Someone is playing a Muggle song. 

__

As we go on

We remember

All the times we've

Had together

And as our lives change

From whatever

We will still be

Friends forever

Why am I sticking around? I have already graduated, second highest in the year, after Granger of course. Head Boy and Girl. Whatever. No one is talking to me. This is a stupid song. I have no friends. No one will want to remember me. Only forget me.

I gazed at the moon. How long has it been there? I wondered. Forever. I wonder if it knows the stars all around it. Or cares. Or has it been alone, alone forever, just like me?

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

I turned around. That Weasley girl. Ginny. I used to call her the little Weasel, or Weasel Junior.

She's pretty. I think. 

"I wasn't thinking it was beautiful. I was thinking that it might be lonely." I didn't know why I was telling her this.

"Like you?"

"Perhaps."

We stood there, looking at each other. And then I looked away. I stared instead at the moon, and she followed my gaze. We stood like that for awhile. Just staring. At the moon in its beauty, all alone, and beautiful. 

"Really makes you think, doesn't it?" 

She was talking to me.

"About what?"

"Beauty. All alone, and serene. Very serene."

"So what does it make you think about?"

"If all things," she said, "that are alone like that are as beautiful."

"Are you?" I was still talking to her. Normally the closest thing to talking to her I would come was making fun of her. I felt different. Maybe it was just the moon.

"Am I what?" And she was talking to me, too.

"Alone."

"Is that what you think?" Was she angry? No. Not amused, teasing, either.

Just wondering.

"Sometimes." Was I admitting I thought about her? Because I didn't, normally. Just sometimes. I went on.

"Because you have lots of friends, but you seem overshadowed. You think a lot. Not like a lot of others, who just blab on and on. I think." I wasn't too sure about myself, or what I thought.

"You're right." I was? "I am alone a lot."

"Do you mind?" 

"Sometimes."

"I don't."

Because then you can't get hurt.

Not if you're alone.

"I figured you wouldn't." She did a little half-sigh. That meant she thought about me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"I did," Ginny continued. "I really did. God, I always thought Ron and his friends were the coolest. I followed them around everywhere, trying to fit in. They were the coolest."

"Especially Potter." I said it with so much bitterness it scared me.

I had the same birthday as the day the Potters were killed. It was my first birthday, and no one cared. 

No one.

"Yeah, I guess." She shrugged. "But that was just a crush. You know."

I didn't. 

But I wasn't going to let her know that.

"I was always alone," I said. "Maybe I could have friends now if I tried, but I won't. Loneliness just sort of comes naturally for me now."

She stepped closer to me. "Nothing that horrible should be natural to anyone. You don't have to be alone."

I laughed. My cold, evil laugh. "Right. Like anyone even cares about me."

She stepped closer still. "I do."

I kissed her.

Later, I would think I put everything I had into that kiss. Because I did. Into that kiss I put years of frustration, of anger, of hate, of evil, and of the love that was inside of me, the love I didn't even know was there, not until now. Into that kiss I put myself. Into her I put myself, and she put her self into me. Both of us were the same, forever. Spinning between us was life, my life, her life, each of our lives so different and yet so the same, so very the same. 

And I was changed forever, in that kiss. 

I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the moonlight.

She kissed me back. I know she did. Sometimes you just know things, and I knew this was true, that she was kissing me back.

I knew that she was just like me.

She pulled away from me. Not because she didn't want to kiss me back, because she already had, but because if she didn't, we might never stop.

"Ohmygod," she said. "Ohmygod. This certainly is weird."

"Does that mean you hate me again?"

"No," she murmured. "No."

She moved to kiss me again, because a new song was starting. I knew it; Pansy had always played Muggle songs in the common room.

"Alright, kiddies," said someone over the speakers. "Here's a song for all the young loves out there."

"Would you like to dance?" I whispered.

"Yes." 

I took her in my arms. Slow dancing to a fast song. Like I was never going to let her go. And maybe I wouldn't_._

The moonlight

Shines down interstellar beams

And the groove tonight

Is something more than you've ever seen

The stars and planets taking shape

A stolen kiss has come too late

In the moonlight

Carry on, keep romancing

Carry on, carry on dancing

In the moonlight

Carry on, keep romancing

Carry on, carry on dancing

You're never safe

'Till you see the dawn

And if the clock strikes midnight

Does it mean that the hope is gone

To move under

The moonlight

Carry on, keep romancing

Carry on, carry on dancing

In the moonlight

Carry on, keep romancing

Carry on, carry on dancing

I felt as though I loved her. Odd, in such a short a short amount of time. It made no sense.

But what ever did?

Maybe it was just the moonlight.

__

Move

Closer

Passion

Stronger

There's a magic only two can tell

In the dark night

Ultraviolet is a wicked spell

The stars and planets taking shape

A stolen kiss can never come too late

In the moonlight

Carry on, keep romancing

Carry on, carry on dancing

In the moonlight

Carry on, keep romancing

Carry on, carry on dancing

Moving on.... 

Moving on all night

The song ended. Ginny looked up at me, and I kissed her again. Kissed her kissed her kissed her. She kissed me back, a sweet kiss.

"Draco.... what are we going to do?"

"About what?"

"You know." I did. But I refused to acknowledge it. "Ron, all my brothers. My dad."

My father was dead. He could not take this from me. Could not take her from me.

"I don't care," I said, releasing her from my arms. "They can't take us away from each other, Ginny. They can't."

I would never ever let them.

"But..."

"Ginny, what's the use of worrying about it?" I asked her. "I just want to be here with you, here, now."

"I love you, Draco." She whispered it, and I knew it was true. I knew I loved her back.

"I love you." I said it. I loved someone. My greatest fear. It wasn't scary, not anymore, not with Ginny.

We were like the moon. Alone, and beautiful. But not alone, not anymore. Not ever again.

Not ever again.

We stood there, looking at each other, at the full moon in all its radiance. I wasn't afraid of love anymore, not afraid of anything, it seemed. I was happy again, happy in a way I couldn't ever remember being.

Maybe it was just the moon.

But I didn't think so.

It was Ginny.

And I knew that, for me, it would always be Ginny.

A/N: Wow. This was DEFINITELY not going to be a romance fic when I first started it. Just angst. But I was in a trance when I wrote this. I was Draco. Or maybe it's just PMS. I have discovered that an unknown side effect of PMS is writing really emotional fics. Because that's how I wrote "Miracle", "Wonder If Your Out There", "Nameless", and "If They Only Knew. The songs are "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C, and "Carry On Dancing," by Savage Garden. Review, kay. But no flames. I know it's mushy. I couldn't help it. I was in a trance.


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